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Sally and Richard have been married for 22 years. They met in 1992, on a blind date set up by her brother. They began dating right away and married 11 months later.
One of the biggest problems they’ve worked on, and continue to work on is more effective communication. This is not surprising, as it is the number one reason couples call for counseling ? communication. Yet what I hear in this marriage is the verb “working.” Working on a relationship is what it takes to be happy and healthy, and to keep growing as each person grows and changes with the stages of life and experiences had.
A portion of the interview is:
Does this sound familiar: One person retreats when the other becomes “loud” or uses a “tone” OR one becomes loud because the other has retreated? We call this a wave/island or pursuer/distancer interaction. Which of these do you see yourself as? How do you deal with this?
Yes, Sally answers, this interaction happens. She handles it by taking a break if possible and waiting until she has some space from her strong feelings. Then she can discuss the situation with Richard.
Sally’s tips for couples are:
1. Look for the good in my husband every day.
2. Keep a sense of humor.
3. Keep a sense of perspective when challenges come up.
