By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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I’m certain I have blind spots I don’t know about--that’s what makes them blind. I hope my husband, family, and friends will tell me (kindly and calmly) about my blind spots.
I’m certain you have blind spots, too.
You can ask people you’re close to about them. You can dig them up on your own. You might dig them faster with a therapist. It’s completely up to you.
It’s possible you aren’t aware of how you come off to others at times. That’s human. I believe that to commit to doing better, is within you.
One way to become aware of your own blind spots is very simple--and may be hard to take! When you find yourself going off on someone, using “You” statements (e.g., “You never pay attention to what I say”, or “You _____, _____, and ______”), hold a hand mirror up in front of your face, and say it exactly the same: to yourself.
This won’t be fun. Be kind to yourself, and wonder what you can learn.