By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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All joking aside, a tidbit on gender and the emotional brain in Scientific American Mind (SAM) July/August 2013, shares that women have a larger caudate nucleus and hippocampus; for learning and memory. Men, on the other hand, have larger amygdala and hypothalamus -- the emotional centers of the brain.
SAM mentions that it is yet unknown how the size differences translates to behavior.
It does raise interesting questions and speculation, however. I hear plenty of women wish that her man was more emotionally available to her, and I see that a lot of men are quite emotional under the veneer of his manliness.
We might joke at our house about the "one" feeling my husband has ("Honey, let's talk about your feeling"), but both genders are complex and the pressures each person is facing deserve both of your attention.
While we might long for a deep emotional connection, what would it actually look, feel, sound and be like to have it? What behaviors might you try if your goal is connection and kindness?