"Don't Compare Your Insides with Someone Else's Outside" | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

"Don't Compare Your Insides with Someone Else's Outside"

Uploaded: Feb 7, 2020
Doesn't everyone look together? The happy couple? Doing their job well? Driving their nice car? Getting schoolwork done? Christmas or Hanukkah shopping? Cooking gourmet meals? Entertaining at a beautifully set table? See their well-behaved kids?

That's the outside. We have no idea what is on the inside. Many of us have a "Gremlin" (from Rick Carson's "Taming Your Gremlin") saying we're not good enough, or we made a mistake, or we're not lovable, or we're bad and not worthy, or we better keep putting on a good show otherwise people will find out what we're really like. Or maybe we're grieving the death of our mom, son, brother, dad, sister, daughter, cousin, grandparent, friend, or partner, and just trying to make it. Maybe a loved one is away at war, or battling cancer, and we're putting one foot in front of the other to get through this day. Or maybe my partner hardly talks to me anymore or we sleep apart, but we don't want anyone to know. Or . . . we can't begin to guess.

Any day can be hard because of the gap between the media/Norman Rockwell happy family, and the reality of our own situation. The gaps may be about a variety of things: family, your partner, money, who does "all" the work, alcohol consumption, power, etc.

Please do not compare your insides to others' outsides. We have no idea what they are going through. Instead, focus on self-care, and what is in our realm of control. Breathe, exercise (even if just a little bit), drink a lot water, eat healthy food, be kind to yourself and those around you.

Notice your Gremlin and say "Hi," but don't give yourself over it it. Find a realistic and constructive answer to your Gremlin.

Ask yourself these three questions, and act on your answers:
1."What is in my control?"
2."What are my options? (seek three)"
3."What works best in THIS situation?"

Be sure to maintain your integrity and be kind to yourself and others, no matter what you decide.

Think about helping someone (even one person) who needs help, even in a small way. It will help you , and them. It will be much more fruitful than comparing yourself to others.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get the most important local news stories sent straight to your inbox daily.

Is there a polite way to say "Too much plastic"?
By Sherry Listgarten | 12 comments | 2,266 views

Premarital and Couples: What Does Sex Mean to You?
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 1,973 views

'Ignoring what's wrong has never made anything right'
By Diana Diamond | 4 comments | 1,808 views

The MP City Council Changes Downtown Street Closures Again and Extends the Trial Into 2021. Is this Enough?
By Dana Hendrickson | 11 comments | 1,486 views

Community catering: How one SF Malaysian restaurant is delivering food to Peninsula neighborhoods
By Elena Kadvany | 0 comments | 1,320 views

 

Benefiting local non-profits

The 36th annual Moonlight Run and Walk is Friday evening, October 2, wherever you are! Proceeds go to the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund, benefiting local non-profits that serve families and children in Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties. Join us under the light of the full Harvest Moon on a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run or half marathon.

Register Today!