Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples Counseling, Al Pacino Style

Uploaded: Nov 8, 2019
I had the pleasure of listening to Pete Pearson of the Couple's Institute in Menlo Park talk about the importance of working as a team in couple's counseling. He showed the following video clip of Al Pacino giving an inspirational talk to his football team before a big game, and asked us to think about how it relates to couples counseling:

In my way of working, there are not only the three of us in the room, each of you, but there is the third entity -- your relationship. Also, there are each of your parents (or whomever raised you), plus your life experience encoded into the very cells of your body, your implicit and explicit memory; all triggered by your limbic brain for survival in 1/200th of a second.

Now that's a crowded room!

My job as the coach of this large team is to draw out the many facets of who you are in constructive ways, and to teach tools for win/win in your relationship. Active listening is not enough: what does your experience mean to you? What does a specific action or word, mean to you? I'm certain it means something different to your partner.

The truth is, you can not do it alone. Even if you learned growing up that "Things will be done competently only if I do it myself," that can not be true in a committed relationship: there are two of you. You need a two person system.

If you think about it, it's no wonder conversations or understanding can be so difficult; you look at one another and see what you see. You look like one person to her, yet underneath your skin is a host of beliefs, values, voices, needs, wants, fears, feelings, and experiences  . . . The many facets of your authentic self, some of whom you know, and others that you try to hide, even from yourself. This is your humanity, your gift and your weakness.

Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Almanac Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Backhaus in Burlingame finally opens for the holiday rush
By The Peninsula Foodist | 0 comments | 2,939 views

Burning just one "old style" light bulb can cost $150 or more per year
By Sherry Listgarten | 12 comments | 2,894 views

My Holiday Wish List for Menlo Park
By Dana Hendrickson | 1 comment | 2,806 views

Fun Things to Do Around the Bay This Holiday – Peninsula Edition
By Laura Stec | 8 comments | 2,599 views

Banning the public from PA City Hall
By Diana Diamond | 25 comments | 2,080 views

 

Support local families in need

Your contribution to the Holiday Fund will go directly to nonprofits supporting local families and children in need. Last year, Almanac readers and foundations contributed over $300,000.

DONATE