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Dr. John Gottman is best known for the extensive couples research he’s conducted over many years at his institute in Seattle — fondly known as the "Love Lab." Dr. Gottman’s research reveals that contentment in a marriage is based on a solid friendship. Although Gottman doesn’t use the same terminology, his work supports the overall theme  of secure attachment that I often write about in my Couple’s Blog.

In his book, and the DVD of a couple’s workshop, Gottman clearly spells out the seven principles, provides exercises, check lists, and so on. He dispels myths, and in a very accessible way, spells out a path to a loving and passionate relationship. His research shows that as long as couples have five positive/productive interactions to counteract one poor interaction, the relationship will last.

The book is available everywhere; the DVD workshop, The Art and Science of Love, is only available at his website: http://www.gottmaninstitute.org  The series is 5 DVDs and a workbook. There are lecture portions for you to watch, and then do the corresponding exercises.

Gottman’s work is especially good for couples that fight a lot. For couples that don’t fight much, you might feel that you can’t relate to the problem-solving principles. However, the first four principles provide a great foundation for your couple, and the last principle focuses on creating shared meaning.

This is definitely worth your reading/watching/working time.

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple,...

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