‘Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,“ and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.’ Kahlil Gibran

When you consider this from a couple’s perspective, it can be easy to get stuck in sorrow, stuck in negativity. The brain has a very strong negativity bias, and you must continually seek joy, forgiveness and cherish one another. You do this through kindness to yourself and to each other. You’re doing the best you can, right? Every day. Kindness can rekindle your marriage.

And you have to make room for sorrow because life gives you challenges, and terrible things happen sometimes. Being able to be in sorrow and support each other in that difficult place opens space for joy. They are the flip side of a coin.

It sure doesn’t feel great to sit in sorrow; that’s okay. It’s how you treat yourself and others during these times that matters. Don’t be mean to yourself or your beloved. Do self-care. What helps you? What comforts you? Exercise is always a good idea. Friends, family, nature . . . Be communicative; others will always make up a story without information—it’s usually incorrect if you don’t share what’s happening with you.

Figure out what brings you joy, individually and as a couple. Make a list of 100 things you like to do. Start doing them. No excuses!

When you feel joy, share it with your spouse, your kids, at work, in your community. Get that joy out into the world.