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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Marriage Interview 4: Flagging Interest in Sex

Uploaded: Apr 2, 2015
Thomas met his wife, MaryAnn, at a dinner party. They started dating a month later, and were married within the year. They've now been married over 50 years
In VoiceMale, Chethik's survey shows that a man who knows within a month that he wants to marry a woman, generally has a lasting marriages, while a man who take months or years to decide, does not.

Thomas says that one of the biggest problems they have had is that as he has aged, his interest in sex has flagged, while his love remains. This is upsetting to MaryAnn. Thomas states that hormones are the cause of this change for him.

As a couple's therapist, I would have recommended a thorough checkup for Thomas with his MD, and ensure that they have an open line of communication about their sex life. There are many ways for a man (or woman) to sexually satisfy one's beloved with or without intercourse.

I also would have worked with them to determine if there were other reasons that their sex life was flagging. It is normal for couple's sex lives to go through changes and even be problematic at times. Many couples find it very difficult or embarrassing to discuss their love life in the light of day.

I hope Thomas and MaryAnn snuggle and give to one another in each others' Love Language.

Thomas' tip for couples is:
Cool it if You Want to Keep it
Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?


Posted by Not 50 years yet, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Apr 3, 2015 at 11:32 pm

OK. Very embarrassing question. I've always wanted to try... you know... helpful things (sheesh, this is embarrassing). My spouse is game, but absolutely forbids having anything mailed to our address thinking about all the future mail and ads we will get! Plus, how do you figure anything out in terms of what's best and how it works -- consumer reports? (I do not want to type in search terms.)

Do you give your clients any Laura Berman-esque advice in that regard?

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Almanac Online blogger,
on Apr 4, 2015 at 3:02 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Dear Not Yet 50 Years Old: Yes, I do talk very specifically with clients about sex.

Good Vibrations is a great place to go for information, toys, and books. It is very clean and the staff are knowledgeable. There is a new location in Palo Alto on Ramona Street, but if you don't want to be seen near home there are San Francisco and Berkeley locations in good neighborhoods, too.

Posted by Not 50 years yet, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Apr 4, 2015 at 5:33 pm

Wow, I did not know that. Thanks As far as toys... if you wanted to run in and not sit there reading labels, what would be a good (postmenopausal) bet? (It is much more difficult for me to write about this than to contemplate, so, a frank answer is fine.)

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Almanac Online blogger,
on Apr 6, 2015 at 8:15 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Not 50 years yet: Why don't you call me, and we'll have a brief discussion. I will keep your confidentiality, and promise not to mail anything to you.

I'm going to make a visit to Good Vibrations in Palo Alto to learn more about their new store, too.

Please be sure that you're seeing your gynecologist for regular check-ups . . .

Posted by Slow Down, a resident of Community Center,
on Apr 6, 2015 at 4:19 pm

Slow Down is a registered user.

What about a chemical solution - viagra!

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Almanac Online blogger,
on Apr 7, 2015 at 9:22 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

I had a tour of Good Vibrations yesterday, and will write more about it separately, but here's a bit of what I learned:

1. Their website will not give you pop-ups, spam, or ads for other sex-related info (I've been on a few times in the last few days and this is true). So feel free to browse their catalog online.
2. They have "staff picks" for toys, books, and so on, so you can get in and out quickly.
3. The staff are all trained sex-educators.
3. They have a dilator of 4 sizes in one in case you haven't been having much intercourse and need to get used to it again.
4. There are many types of lubrication.
5. Lots of clothes, "kink" toys, stockings, etc. are available.

Check it out.

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