Interview 3: Being Vulnerable Can be Very Scary | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Interview 3: Being Vulnerable Can be Very Scary

Uploaded: Mar 13, 2015
"It's kind of funny that we can easily touch each others' body parts, but letting someone into your heart and mind is somehow much more intimate."

Sandra met her husband to be when she was at work, performing, and Paul was on a blind date that didn't go well. She was seeing someone else, but he would come to see her perform.

They started dating after three years and married 11 months later. Sandra and Paul have been married now for over 25 years.

One of the biggest problems they've worked on is their power struggle. They have worked on effective communication, and went to couples counseling for help in learning tools and skills. Empathy has brought them closer.

I write a lot here on Couple's Net about attunement: listen well, let the other know what you heard and give empathy. You are not necessarily agreeing; you are giving empathy, however.

Sandra and Paul try to express how they feel: e., g., hurt, neglected, angry, and at times "mirror" to each other ? try to put themselves in each other's shoes.

Sandra's tips for couples are:
1. Open your heart.
2. Be respectful.
3. It can be hard to be loving and caring when upset, but the other person is feeling many of the same insecurities.
4. We all want to be loved and accepted and being vulnerable is sometimes very scary.

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