By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Uploaded: Feb 2, 2015
This was the first thing in my consciousness when I woke up this morning. Mom died. Overnight, this truth gets erased, and then comes back first thing each morning.
She died Friday evening. Her partner was in the next room and my brothers-in-law had gone to get take out when she expired ? literally exhaled her last breath. We were here in Menlo, and headed north at the news.
Mom went peacefully. My biggest fear was for her to suffer. Hospice did an amazing job keeping her comfortable, and our caregivers were wonderful. Mom's partner hung in there, no matter how tired he was.
I was glad to see Mom's body before she was taken away. She was so still, pale, and thin. That image will not overly cloud the thousands of other memories I have of her.
Between feeling sad, and relieved for her to be out of her ill body, I am sitting with the absence of her, and the mystery of death.
What happens next? Physics tells us that everything is energy, and energy doesn't die, it changes form. So Mom has changed form? There are many belief systems about death and I do not presume to know the answer to this question. Yet it feels important to ponder.
Death is not a topic readily talked about, and with modern medicine, death left the home and went to the hospital, until hospice.
I was a bereavement counselor at Pathways Hospice for two years while I was training to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. Grief counseling is rich work, and I love doing it.
We are cracked open by grief, and question everything.
Now it's my turn (again) to be open and questioning.
What is it worth to you?
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