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Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Uploaded: Sep 4, 2014
"We limit ourselves every day without even knowing it, simply by doing what we always do, falling into patterns, not pushing ourselves further. But every one of you has expressive reserves you've not yet discovered . . . tap into them, and go further, and give more than you ever have before . . ."

This quote is from the novel 'Sight Reading' by Daphne Kalotay; a master violinist talking to his students who are already at the top of their respective classes and had to audition to be trained by him.

Apply this same quote to your marriage or relationship. For now, don't worry about how or why you've fallen into patterns, just reach inside and tap your reserves and give more than you ever have before.

This could be as simple as greeting her at the door when she gets home from work; looking him in the eye; saying, "Hey, I'm glad you're here, how was your day?" It could be making her favorite dinner. Giving him a neck rub. Leaving off the TV for an hour. Or saying, "I know you want to watch that playoff game tonight, enjoy it, I'm going to read a novel right next to you." Going for a walk and holding hands.

I know I keep writing things that sound simple ? they are. They're just not always easy.
What do you think of this idea of giving more?

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