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Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

No Words Required

Uploaded: Jun 30, 2014
I was in Berkeley recently, and as I got in the car with the window rolled most of the way up, I noticed a couple passing on the sidewalk. I could not hear their words; only her tone of voice and see their body language.

She spoke in the "tone" couples often complain about in my office. He replied, and it was below my hearing level. She said something else in the same tone and I saw him throw both hands up from the elbows. Then they were out of sight.

Begin to notice the couples you see. What tone do you hear? What facial expressions or body language do you notice? Does someone roll their eyes at the other (showing contempt)? Do they face toward or away from one another? Does one dominate the conversation?

You can see this through car windows, cafes or restaurants, or as you walk down the street.

Of course, eventually, I want you to begin to notice your tone and body language with your mate. But be an observer for a while first.

Let me know what you see.

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