You Change! | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Almanac Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

You Change!

Uploaded: Feb 24, 2014
"This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Ouch!

No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don't. We can not change him.

It's really annoying, isn't it? Because if s/he would just do things my way, we would not be having these issues.

Truth is, we can change. We can learn about how our brain works in relationship, and help it work better for us. Truth is, we have to do the work.

I see change every day. It gladdens my heart. It does not just happen, though.

Change comes from deciding to be vulnerable; by being the first to step forward and interact differently with our partner.

"This relationship has a few issues. I am glad we're in it together, though. I will change to have a healthier, happier life with you."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Look in the mirror: there's the one you can influence.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Ike's Place makes another go at Stanford; Palo Alto outpost stalls
By Elena Kadvany | 15 comments | 4,530 views

Relaxing the Height Limit for Housing with Conditions
By Steve Levy | 29 comments | 1,842 views

Foods of Love
By Laura Stec | 3 comments | 1,772 views

A day for reading
By Cheryl Bac | 4 comments | 514 views

Feelin’ the Bern … (or, A bad year for Party Establishments )
By Stuart Soffer | 2 comments | 158 views